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Thursday, May 20, 2021

Short Sentences

 As I walked into the room my legs were jello. My vision is doubled and my heartbeat quickens. I’m too scared to even look in the corner of the room, even looking behind me is impossible. It's like I have broken my neck and I can’t turn it. My lungs are frozen, it's like I have inhaled water. Then it happens. I see him. I freeze. I want to run but I can't. My heart is in my stomach. It's horrible. Then I unfreeze, my legs collapse like a building in an earthquake. The struggle of trying to get up is impossible. I see the tall dark figure walk towards me. I know this is the end. I close my eyes and willingly let him take my life.

Hello, Kia ora, Привет, 你好, Hallo, こんにちは.

Our Learning Intention this week was to deepen our understanding of descriptive language by creating feelings for our reader, such as empathy. We also looked into the effects of short sentences. We got our ideas from the movie Marley and me which made us feel sad.  


11 comments:

  1. こんにちは, your peace of writing is incredible. I love how your short sentience is jam packed with descriptive language. I like how you also used similes and metaphors. You and an incredible writer, keep up the good work.

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  2. kia ora Lucas i liked how you added as much detail you could your really good at writing.

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  3. Hello lucas i really like the way you wrote your story.you really thought about the adjectives you used.I cant wait to read your next story.

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  4. Kia ora Lucas,
    your writing and descriptive language is outstanding. I really like how you described what the creature you saw looked like and how you felt at that very moment. This reminds me a lot of a scary movie I watched once. Maybe next time you could add a picture next to one of the words in your short story to make this blogpost even more outstandingly impressive. What was your favourite part of making this short story?

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  5. Kia Ora Lucas,
    I really like this blog post for multiple reasons first is that it has a very good descriptive writing in it. I also liked the way you worded "My lungs are frozen, it's like I have inhaled water. What's you best piece of descriptive writing.

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  6. Hello Lucas!
    This story actually frightened me. As I read it, a cold shiver ran down my spine. My favorite line was "I closed my eyes and willingly let him take my life" It just, made me sink into the persons shoes.
    Well done.
    -Sofiya :)

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  7. 你好 Lucas,
    I love how your short sentence is jam packed with descriptive language. I also liked the way you worded "My lungs are frozen, it's like I have inhaled water." I like how you also used similes and metaphors. Great work.

    Bill

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  8. こんにちは Lucas, This peace of writing is very peaceful. I like the metaphors you used. Great work

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    1. Hello LJ,
      Thank you for your comment I like how you thought it was peaceful. Thank you for the comment. What was your favorite peace of the writing?

      Delete
  9. Привет Lucas,
    I loved the detail that you put into this writing.
    I found the frozen lung part quite creative.
    Maybe next time you could try create an image to go with it.
    Awesome!
    Kind Regards
    -Darion

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    Replies
    1. Hello Darion,
      Thank you for commenting on my blog. I will try to add a drawing next time. What is your favorite piece of writing you have made adn why?

      Delete

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