The engines roaring like a lion asserting its dominance. My ears are starting to pop then it happens the pop sounds like a gun shot. The doors open and the instructor calls me over the regret and the anxiousness kicks in. The countdown begins then we jump the feeling of falling is a weird sensation the air is thin like a piece of paper and it's hard to breathe. The parachute pulls and then there was a sigh of relief. The ground was slowly getting closer but then I heard a rip...
This is my story I did for writing on what it would feel like to go skydiving. Can you please give me some ideas on how to finish the story. I hope you enjoy.
Hello Lucas!
ReplyDeleteThis story is amazing! just..WOW!
The ending was fabulous! If you made this into a book, I'd definitely read it!
P.S Maybe work on your punctuation a little more? :)
Good Job!
-Sofiya
Hi Lucas,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your skydiving post as it was very interesting.
The ending was very shocking I didn't really expect it to be like that.
my favourite part was when you heard something rip.
Also maybe next time you could add commas instead of just full stops.
Just an idea but you could add you falling down from the parachute and what it felt like etc.
I really enjoyed reading this, I hope you have a good day!
-Tiare
Kia Ora Lucas,
ReplyDeleteI like the similes you have added to the story, my favourite one is 'The engines roaring like a lion asserting its dominance'.
I had to the same writing and I struggled to write about the feeling of falling out the plane. What did you find hard?
Next time, you could either change the colour or the font of the story from the blurb so it stands out a little better.
Try think and write about the best or worst thing that could happen while skydiving and add that into your story.
- Zara
Hi Lucas,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoys reading your Skydiving post because it made me feel like I was actually soaring through the air.
Maybe next time you could maybe nest time you could talk about how you were plumbiting to the ground when the parachute rips.
Why did you regret doing the jump?
Kind Regards Ritchie (:
Hello Lucas
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this story very. I read the part of the parachute ripping, and I got goosebumps! You have used a lot of similes. Next time try work a bit more on you punctuation.
Bill